11. Belonging Part Four: Ways To Create Connection

The Movement We Need: Post Number 11

Connection and Younger Self:

Younger Self is a term that refers to those aspects of ourselves that are sensual and emotional, that respond to images, rhythm, music, dance, movement, poetry, and story. To truly create a sense of belonging in our groups, we need to find opportunities to connect in ways that engage our sensual, emotional self. We've talked about the importance of storytelling, both in educating and evoking empathy. Let's look at some of the other tools we can use to strengthen our sense of belonging.

(This series of writings is an experiment—I’m writing a book and releasing it a chapter at a time on Substack, accompanied with podcasts available on Substack, Apple, Spotify, etc. This is the fourth part of the section on Belonging, and the eleventh post in the series.)

Rhythm:

When we march, chant, clap, or drum together in rhythm, we entrain, we synchronize biologically and emotionally. Rhythm connects us at a visceral level, literally creating a common heartbeat. Think of the power of the sacred drum in a Native American ceremony, or the chants we share on a march or protest. It's not that we think chanting “”Hey hey, ho ho, Elon Musk has got to go!” will really rid us of him, (I've been hearing this particular chant since the days when it was LBJ or the Vietnam War that had got to go, and I wouldn’t be surprised to learn there was a version targeting King George III or Louis the Sixteenth! Maybe we can come up with some new ones for this crisis. It's that by chanting together and marching together, we feel our common strength and a sense of being at one. The South African Freedom Movement literally danced their way through their marches, leaping and singing together for miles with amazing physical stamina. Our breathing becomes synchronized as we chant, our very heartbeats fall into rhythm, and we feel part of the corporate body of the same powerful movement.

Song and Music:

One of my most profound spiritual experiences came to me when I was only twelve years old, in synagogue preparing for my Bat Mitzvah. As the congregation sang together, I suddenly had a sense that our united voices were literally creating God as we sang. I felt the power of togetherness that arises when we sing together, linked not just by rhythm and breath but also by melody, harmony and the emotional power of song.

Every movement benefits by having an anthem. The Civil Rights Movement had “We Shall Overcome”. the French Revolution had the Marseillais, the Italian partisans had “Bella Ciao”. For the Russian Revolution, it was the Internationale. One of my most poignant memories is going with my Aunt Ruthie and Uncle Hi, the Communist side of our family, to visit a dying family friend. My Aunt and Uncle closed the door of his hospital room, and quietly we sang him the Internationale. That song connected him to his radical youth and all the groups he felt part of back in the ‘30s.

. I'm not sure if the broad movement we need right now will develop an anthem. If we do, I hope it's something with a catchy beat and easily singable. But we can still think of many opportunities to bring music and song into our movements and even into our meetings. One of the frustrations of meeting so much online is that you cannot sing together on Zoom. The time lag makes synchronization impossible. In our groups and classes, we get around this by beginning and ending each session with recorded music and encouraging people to put their cameras on and dance along. We started doing this during COVID. when people had few opportunities to gather with others, and we've continued, as it makes an effective opening and closing for each session.

Groups often include musicians who would welcome a chance to perform. There's no reason we couldn't start a meeting with someone sharing a song, and end it the same way, or take a music break in the midst of a tiring discussion. In our in-person permaculture classes, we break up lectures by putting on a piece of music and getting everyone up to dance. Then we ask the students to guess what permaculture principle the sonmight represent. In one of our courses, an enthusiastic student organized an ‘extravaganza’, a dance party almost every night after class was over. There’s no reason even a political meeting couldn’t end with a dance session. After all, it was Emma Goldman who famously said, “If I can't dance, I don't want to be part of your revolution.”

Radical marching bands have accompanied many protests and demonstrations. In the Bay Area, the Brass Liberation Orchestra marches with trumpets, drums and trombones. The Infernal Noise Brigade. from Seattle, accompanied many of the large global justice mobilizations of the ‘00s. Their music provided a theme song for the marches and clashes. And many communities have samba bands that provide rhyhm and energy on the street.

Art:

Visual imagery can create a strong sense of coherence in a group, and can also convey a message in a way that's inviting and colorful. Giant puppets characterized many of the global justice mobilizations. Costumes, signs, flags and banners enliven many demonstrations. Artist and activist David Solnit has been one major figure in bringing these these tools into political actions. When people gather together and paint a street, creating something together generates a strong sense of being part of something.

Another inspiring group is City Repair in Portland, Oregon, who bring art into community organizing. Founded by architect Mark Lakeman, the group began from the insight that modern cities in the US are not designed for people to come together, but rather to separate and alienate us. City Repair takes over intersections and turns them into gathering places, painting the street with murals and creating projects that bridge public and private space: for example, benches in people's front yards, or a tea station on a corner where someone always keeps hot water, cups and tea bags for anyone to have a cup of tea. Every year they host a Village Building Convergence, where people learn natural building skills and create more public art and gardens. They also succeeded in getting their projects legalized by the City of Portland, and their work has transformed many of the neighborhoods into more livable spaces while creating a tremendous sense of belonging.

Food:

Once, years ago, I gave a workshop in Northern Ontario. When it was done, the organizers drove me to the airport. “We’re glad the workshop went so well,” one of them said, “Because we were worried that nothing you could do would be half so great as the experience we had organizing it!”

“What?” I was amazed. So often, organizing becomes a conflict-ridden process, fraught with hurt feelings and arguments. Sure“You should be teaching the workshops! What’s your secret?”

They thought for a while, but all they could say was, “Potlucks.”

I’m sure that wasn’t the whole secret, but nonetheless, we should never underestimate the power of food to bring people together. Eating together is perhaps the most primal expression of belonging. If you want people to feel welcome, valued and connected, share food.

Working Together:

In general, when people work together and create something together, it deepens their sense of connection, whether it’s an Amish barn raising or a community garden work day. Planting Earth Activation, a group of young permaculturalists from Sebastopol, California, would organize a festival on a city block to plant half a dozen gardens in a day, bringing in sheet mulch by the truckload and hundreds of plants to transform a neighborhood. The Permaculture Action Network would organizes gatherings of workshops, talks, music and projects in communities to bring people together and help revitalize stressed communities—for example, I attended one in Paradise, California after the devasting fire there. Fire Forward, the Good Fire Alliance, and many similar groups throughout the West organize people to do prescribed burns and learn skills for mitigating the potential impact of wildfires. Around the country, there are thousands of groups bringing people together for common projects to create more local self-sufficiency, and these efforts often bridge political and social divides.

Ritual and Ceremony

I've spent much of my life creating, teaching and writing about ritual as a tool for deepening our spirituality and creating community. Ritual gives us a powerful way of strengthening our sense of belonging. Indeed, I think that is one of the key roles ritual plays in our lives, regardless of what religion, if any, we might belong.

What is a ritual? A set of actions with symbolic meanings, an enacted transformation, rooted in all the tools that turn abstractions into sensual imagery and connect us to younger self: rhythm, music, art, poetry, and more.

A ritual conveys value—it says, ‘Pay attention to this—it’s important!” The changing of the seasons, the waxing or waning of the moon, a life passage or a deep loss, any or all might be an occasion for ritual to help us honor the rhythms of nature, or of our lives. And when we celebrate ritual together, we feel connected.

Ritual marks a particular place and time as special. When you go to church, there's generally an opening prayer and a benediction at the end. At our Pagan rituals, we create a circle to transition from socializing to the sacred part of the gathering, and at the end, we open it. Having keywords or actions that repeat helps anchor our shift in attention. If you say a prayer every night before you go to sleep, the words and rhythm will help you make the transition from waking to slumber.

Rituals in our political movements do not have to be religious. And we should be conscious of not appropriating rituals from cultures we are not part of nor accountable to, without fully understanding their context or giving back to the communities they come from.

However, there are many ways we can create rituals that fit our own groups and needs, and use aspects of ritual to deepen our sense of belonging. I’ve written so much about this elsewhere that I won’t belabor the point here, but I will put some resources in the notes for those who want to learn ritual skills.

We already incorporate some ritual elements into our meetings and gatherings. For example, It's common in progressive groups now to begin by acknowledging the indigenous people of the land that we're on. Taking a moment to name and honor the original peoples of the land is a form of ritual that can deepen our connection to place and broaden our awareness of its history and legacy.

Many groups begin meetings with a short meditation. I generally use a grounding, a way to connect our energy with that of the earth. Diane Jeannine Johnson, chaplain and diversity educator, offers what she calls a ninety second vacation, a time to quietly meditate and center. One organizing group in the Bay Area began its public meetings with someone performing a poem. Erik Ohlsen, permaculture designer and educator, likes to end groups with a group clap. Having something that clearly says, “This is the beginning, this is the end,” helps people to feel a sense of both connection and closure.

Groups might also consider having entry rituals. When a group has a clear entry portal, once people pass through it, they know they are ‘in’. When we were organizing anti- nuclear blockades in the early ‘80s, we required participants to go through two days of nonviolence training, that covered both the principles and theory of nonviolence, strategies, role plays and practice as well as decision making and legal rights. Those two days helped people become familiar with the group culture and expectations, learn new skills and we were a clear entry portal.

At the indigenous-led mobilization at Standing Rock in 2016, newcomers were asked to undergo an orientation, as well as a nonviolent direct action training. While much shorter than our two-day trainings of the ‘80s, these helped integrate newcomers into a culture that was unfamiliar to many non-indigenous people. The mobilization also included many ritual aspects, from a Sacred Fire where people could sit in council, to a morning Water Ritual at the river. A sign at the entrance to camp read, “Here you enter a place of prayer and ceremony.” Rituals were part of direct actions: for example, we had a Women’s Action where the goal was to go to a part of the river the police occupied and make an offering. Non-indigenous folks were asked not to start their own rituals, songs, or prayers, but to respect the indigenous spiritual as well as political leadership, and to ask permission for anything they wanted to offer.

One of the critiques of the Occupy movement is that its extreme decentralization offered were no clear entry portals, and lines of authority were often non-existent or obscure. People would come to an Occupation and not understand how to get involved. Those who were familiar with the anarchistic decentralization could generally find a niche, but for newcomers, coming from the overculture of rules and clear roles, it was often confusing and overwhelming.

An entry ritual can be very simple. Alcoholics Anonymous, for example begins meetings by people introducing themselves. Each person says “Hello, I'm _____ and I’m an alcoholic” and the group choruses “Hello, _______” . As simple as that seems, the ritual is actually quite profound. It allows each person to be seen and acknowledged. People may be anonymous, but they are not invisible. And each person, by their willingness to identify themselves as an alcoholic, is essentially admitting that they have a problem, asking for help and showing their willingness to take responsibility. Because everyone does this, it creates a powerful sense of being all in it together on the same level.

If we want to create a sense of belonging in our groups, we might consider creating some form of orientation or entry portal that gives people a chance to learn something about the group culture, be seen and acknowledged, and clearly know that they are now accepted as part of the group.

Leaving rituals can also be important. Rituals of completion, graduation ceremonies and even retirement parties acknowledge work and achievements, and clearly help us move from one stage of life to another. Celebrations at the end of a campaign or a project help us feel a sense of accomplishment and replenish our energy for the next project.

Ritual can also help ease the pain of very difficult partings. In the early ‘80s we blockaded the Livermore weapons lab in Alameda County, where nuclear weapons are designed and developed. Our jail solidarity strategy meant that almost all of us refused to simply sign a citation and leave after the action, and instead demanded that they hold us in jail, pressuring the authorities to assure that everyone would be treated equally. At the time it was an effective strategy because it costs the authorities money and bad publicity. In jail, we would refuse to go to our arraignments until the authorities agreed to our demands. In this case, we ended up in jail for nearly two weeks. Many people eventually reached the limit of the amount of time they could actually stay away from work, children, or other commitments after several days, and had to go to arraignment. Instead of shaming them or accusing them of breaking solidarity, which would have undermined our movement and discouraged participation in future actions, we reframed solidarity. Those who went to arraignment would plead not guilty, demand a speedy trial, and put pressure on the overloaded court system in that way. Each day, when women left to go to the arrangement we created a simple leaving ceremony. We formed a London Bridge, a tunnel of upraised arms and clasped hands that they walked through as we sang to them: ”Listen, listen. listen to my heart’s song, We will never forget you, we will never forsake you.” In so doing, we created such a strong sense of belonging a that many people decided to stay much longer than they would have had we attempted to enforce a narrow form of solidarity.

To create rituals of belonging in your groups think about simple acts you can take that symbolize welcoming and valuing your members.

Buddies and Mentors:

What if you already have a well-established group and want to bring in new members? How can you make people feel welcome, orient them to the group culture, and connect them into a group that already has a cohesion and identity of its own?

One way is to assign each newcomer a buddy or a mentor, someone to connect with personally, who can fill them in on the history and norms of the group, can make sure they're comfortable and introduce them to others who might share their interests. One of the best examples of this is the way Twelve Step groups such as Alcoholic Anonymous assign newcomers a sponsor, an experienced group member who can help guide them through the painful process of overcoming an addiction.

Newcomers can be asked to work on specific projects with old timers. When subgroups are committees are formed, we can make sure they include both new and experienced members. Orientation sessions, special trainings or other resources can be made available. A group might also create a welcoming ritual for newcomers, which could simply be asking who is present for the first time, and giving them a round of applause, or giving new people a dedicated time to introduce themselves, or throwing a party for new members.

A Lesson in Belonging:

Many years ago, I helped bring a group of students to El Salvador to do solidarity work. We were hosted by organizer Marta Benavidez. She planned a day for us to join a local project to renovate an abandoned building into a Community Center.

In my usual, workaholic mode, I expected we’d start right in with the shovels and the hammers. But instead, when we arrived, we had a short ceremony during which Marta presented Certificates of Achievement to many community members. Then, we had to dance the Macarena. After, we had coffee, and snacks.

Finally we got to work for a few short hours of intense effort to transform the grounds and the building. At last, I got to show off my skill with the pickaxe! But soon we broke for lunch, and after, we all went to the beach and spent time playing in the waves and basking in the sun. After dinner, Marta asked me to lead the group in a spiral dance, one of our rituals that she was eager for her community to experience. I was a little skeptical: after all/ this was something completely out of context for her community. But having spent the day together, having celebrated, honored one another, worked together, danced together, eaten together and played together, by the time we got to the spiral dance we felt like we had been family for generations. It was a powerful lesson for me on how to create a sense of belonging.

As Martha explained, it was important for people in her community to receive a public honor, because too often they were ignored or looked down upon. It was empowering for them to have a chance to celebrate, to play, and to enjoy the ocean and the beach, their heritage which, in their hard-working lives, they rarely to experience. Every single aspect of the day was designed to empower people, to reinforce their sense of being seen and valued, and to create a sense of belonging.

(The picture above shows our spiral on the beach.)

Bridging Our Differences:

In this time of polarization, active stoking of racism, misogyny and other forms of division, how do we bring people together across the divides? I began this series on belonging by talking about my high school, where we did have a significant group of latinx students in my almost all white school, and significant differences of wealth and class, but were mostly siloed Into our distinct groups and rarely mixed. If we want to bring people together, physically bringing them together it's not necessarily enough to create a real sense of connection.

Our fear of difference may be hard-wired. Brain research shows that we form judgments about others long before conscious thought kicks in. Robert Sapolsky, in his book Behave, explains that “Our brains form us-them dichotomies… with stunning speed… a fifty millisecond exposure to the face of someone of another race activates the amygdala, (the part of the brain connected to our fight or flight responses) while failing to activate the fusiform face area as same-race faces do, all within a few hundred milliseconds. Similarly, the brain groups faces by gender or social status at roughly the same speed.” (1) Children and even infants respond differently to faces of another race, unless they are adopted at an early age, in which case they respond positively to faces of the same race as their parents. We are more likely to help those we identify as US, and more likely to make amends if we cause harm. (2)

Research has shown that contact can help people overcome fear of the other, but only under specific circumstances. People can overcome our inbuilt fears of the other, but only under specific circumstances. The contact needs to be long term, not just a one-off event. The meeting needs to take place in a neutral setting, with roughly equal numbers of people of both groups who are treated fairly and equally, and people need to have common task or goal. (3)

Groups that are organizing to defend democracy can meet all of those conditions. We share common goals and many tasks. We often meet on neutral ground, and while we may not achieve equal representation, we can strive to include more than a token number of each group. If the group lasts, we have the potential to build long-term, lasting relationships. We can also show up to support one another’s organizations, not just once but on an ongoing basis, working together on common tasks and issues and using all of our interpersonal skills to forge strong alliances.

If we do the work to deepen our sense of connection and belonging, we have the opportunity now to forge a more far-reaching, broad-based movement that can hold the allegiance of its members over the long term and embody the diversity we value.

Notes:

(1) Robert Sapolsky. Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst. New York, Penguin Books, 2017. P. 387

(2) Sapolsky, P. 387

(3) Sapolsky, P. 417, quoting studies by A. Rutherford, “Good Fences: The Importance of Setting Boundaries for Peaceful Coexistence” PLosONE 9 (2014): e95660: L.G. Babbit and S. R. Sommers, “Framing Matters: Contextual Influences on Interracial Interaction Outcomes” PSPB 37 (2011): 1233

Resources for Ritual Creation:

My books:

The Spiral Dance: A Rebirth of the Ancient Religion of the Great Goddess.

San Francisco, HarperSanFrancisco, 1979

The Pagan Book of Living and Dying, co-written with M. Macha NightMare. San Francisco, HarperSanFrancisco, 1997.

Circle Round: Raising Children in the Goddess Tradition. Co-written with Anne Hill and Diane Baker. Illustrated by Sara Ceres Boore. New York, Bantam, 1998.

The Twelve Wild Swans: A Journey to the Realm of Magic, Healing, and Action, co-written with Hilary Valentine. San Francisco, HarperSanFrancisco, 2000. Dutch and Spanish editions, forthcoming in German.

Webs of Power: Notes from the Global Uprising. Victoria, Canada; New Society Publishers, 2002.

The Earth Path: Grounding Your Spirit in the Rhythms of Nature. San

Francisco, HarperSanFrancisco, 2004.

I cofounded and work with the Pagan Group Reclaiming, which has groups and gatherings worldwide:

http://reclaiming.org/

I regularly teach classes online and in person on ritual and related subjects at

http://starhawk.org/