I actually write about societies and their cause & creation, extensively in my own work and have enjoyed your post about group identity. I reference these Things as coteries or societies but have found parallels to what you describe as the concern of group identity within a world of destitute identities and rejection of those identities deemed unworthy of a society.
Every society keeps of itself a code of conduct, an honor if you will, that is uniquely cultivated by that society through it's coteries and it's labours as a community. This becomes tradition, and by tradition the rules of the society are estabslibed and used as a comparative authority which measures every individual's belonging to that society or coterie, and acts as the rule of arbitration to conciliate conflicts of honor or code amongst all members and guests. Through this arbitration, those whom are aligned with the society's cause & creation, are exonerated and protected whilst those whom are maligned against the society's cause & creation, are evicted from it's Gardè and prosperity.
I would love to collaborate on a post like this, if ever given the opportunity!
Thanks, Valentia. I'd love to read some of your writings about this--where can I find them? what we're seeing now with Trump and MAGA strikes me as a complete attack on all of those norms and traditions of what we loosely call democracy, or even basic human decency, while on the Left we've been critiquing those traditions forever, but mostly not the values themselves but the hypocrisy of claiming we stand for them when we have so often not lived up to them.
My publication is fledgling however I am developing it steadfaslty despite it's complexity of subjects. I will be posting higher quality content as I progress by improving the articulation of communicated concepts, however the subjects I cover are esoteric and arcane which has been a difficult task to work through. I hope you enjoy the, none-the-less and I would like to inform you that I will be posting more confident work within this month.
thank you Starhawk. The question of belonging has been with me for some time. How do we find belonging when we have left behind, grown beyond, the confines of traditional organisations? Traditional organisations, such as religions, have the promise of absolute belonging - in return for obedience or certain acceptable behaviours. In the 21st century many of us belong to lots of 'organisations'; workplace, squash club, allotment committee. Each offer the opportunity for belonging for as long as the task or engagement takes. But how do we meet that fundamental need of belonging in our fulness, without leaving anything at the door. Nature indeed does have so much to teach us - which plant ever said 'hey you're welcome here pretty flower - as long as you look so pretty. once winter is upon us and you start doing your stuff underground only - then, you need to go elsewhere'.
Loved the writing about your early life and ancestry. Here in Sebastopol it's pretty much all left, so that's where the intolerance lies, so I'm glad you stressed that. I've been active in two groups here, and the way you've defined the four characteristics was so helpful for me to reflect on my experiences. I look forward to more elaboration to come. Being open to people and the complexity of who they are has a time component. So not just being open, but staying open, being able to see a person be something you hadn't previously seen.
I love this piece, Starhawk. I was in Manhattan from 9-11. I was shocked that some of my progressive friends who lived close to the Twin Towers turned rabidly anti-Arab after the crash. I heard myself say, "Don't they realize that us-theming is what creates the problem." Then I heard the "they" in my statement.
My friend Ivan Idso is getting ready to launch his black Elephant Project. The basic idea is that folx aware of ongoing eco- and social system collapse wear a pin of a Black Elephant with the words Look Down. The pin is both a way to self-identify as a member of this group of people while simultaneously inviting other folx in by serving as a conversation starter.
Like Jackrabbit and Crabapple seem to be saying, progressives need to look within to notice and hopefully check their condescension when anyone—not just someone who might identify as right-wing—chooses what is not in with the in crowd. Belonging is immediately ruptured when choices that are outside group norms or established truths get a semblance of tolerance, but not true honoring.
I'm really thrilled to get such thoughtful responses to this piece! I'm still figuring out how Substack works, so only caught up today with the comments but now I know how to find them next time, and I'm excited for the kind of dialogue I sense we can have here. Yes, there really are still thoughtful, intelligent people in the world! Hurray!
my colleagues in Building Belonging are leading an initiative intended precisely as an antidote to what you describe here, called Movements of Belonging; about how we can build and cultivate the capacities to navigate conflict and be in solidarity relationships together. Sharing here in case others are interested: https://buildingbelonging.us/movementsofbelonging/
Brilliant. You also shed light for me on the culture of people living without housing and how they bond and form their family together. They care for each other.
Yes. One thing I learned during Occupy was that people who had experienced living unhoused were often extremely well skilled in de-escalating conflict and supporting one another.
My son is home from living unhoused for ten years and thriving. How strong he has become; how caring and loving. What a gift it is to know him now as a man who is so wise and lacking bitterness.
As I read this I can’t help but review how at age 66 (with more than half of my life behind me) I still don’t feel understood or respected with some of those closest to me.
With my oldest son (in his early 40’s) I fall back into a role of silly, illogical, irrational white woman who goes home depressed knowing not much more than raising kids at home.
I’ve been part of a spiritual community for 20 years and yet am not invited to join leadership the way I wish I was.
The self-healing life I’ve lived depending on food and spiritual integrity looks “crusty” to others in my family who are closest to me.
Clearly, I have not found a belonging “anywhere” (?) because my identity has not been clear even to myself.
In childhood, no one modeled the affirming, cooperative interactions that could give me space for a voice. And the spiritual culture of my parents held the limited view of womanhood that I repeated in relationships making it hard to change.
My job, now as a live-in caregiver with a wealthy couple who because of their history, think my life is theirs just because I’ve taken a “loving-giving” role in their lives has continued to keep me drained and distracted from who I am and what I want to do in the world, much less finding my “peeps” and those who do what I want done.
I’m just amazed in this personal review at how complicated identity and belonging can be. Since I haven’t been able to express my identity, I haven’t been able to find where I belong…
(Which came first? The chicken or the egg?!)
Now, I do understand where to go to find the space I can fill with the right support and understanding. I do understand that In some settings I need to prove myself and be clear about what I can offer and how I want to be involved. Knowing my identity then helps me express it and find where I belong.
Thanks for sharing your struggles with this. We live in a society that devalues care and overvalues aggression and markers of success--so talking on the role of carer does not often guarantee that you'll get the respect you deserve for what is truly a very hard job! And those caring roles that have traditionally been assigned to women are even more devalued in this current resurgent 'manosphere' atmosphere. But if we lived in a better world, we'd replace every statue of a general with statues of heroic child-care workers. Caregivers would be honored and highly paid and hedge-fund managers would be working off their addictions by clearing brush or digging swales and posting GoFundMe's to send their kids to summer camp. Well, more likely summer camps would be free, but you get the picture! I wish you the best in finding the community that feels like a place you can truly belong, and that values your caring skills.
A brilliant and complex articulation of ideas I’ve also been working with since I began moving away from “wokeism” towards relational and embodied approaches to movement work in 2019. Thank you! I’m curious what you think about the role of perfectionism in movement spaces as a symptom of conditioned supremacy. When I was shedding unhelpful “social justice warrior” roles, I discovered I was driven by misaligned parts of me shaped by protective mechanisms surviving in harmful systems. Much of my work pertains to internal systems and the external systems that shape them. Thanks for the space to engage in this rich discussion.
I think perfectionism is a big problem and a destructive aspect of our movements. It's impossible to feel safe, or that you truly belong, if you have to be perfect, because none of us are. I'm not convinced, however, that it's specifically a problem of white supremacy, although it may be one of the symptoms. Or whether that's really helpful in the analysis. I think it's one of those human traits that transcends race and class. What we're seeing now is a bunch of privileged mostly white mostly men who don't have to be even minimally competent, let alone perfect, to be put into positions of power. Whereas people of color and women are definitely held to a higher standard, indeed, often an impossible standard, to gain any power at all. But I think that's a bit different than our internal voices demanding that we need to be perfect in order to have value. I guess I have enough of old-school psychological training to attribute a lot of that to family systems.
Yay, yay, yay!!! THIS: "I've identified as a leftist since those days on the Liberal Lawn back in 1966. Jackrabbit expresses what I hear from many of my old friends and allies: that we often no longer feel a part of movements we’ve connected to and belonged to all of our adult lives. This is a very bad sign, if we want to build a movement broad enough and deep enough to actually achieve our goals. When people who have deeply invested in a movement no longer feel embraced by it, how can we expect to draw in new people and expand our reach?"
"As I've said before, the right-wing media have long exaggerated and weaponized the flaws of the left, but nonetheless there are kernels of truth that we need to look at, as well as critiques of cancel culture from the Left. If we are to create a truly welcoming movement, we need a deeper understanding of what creates a sense of belonging, how that can be ruptured, what we can do to repair and expand it. [...] We can't feel we belong to a movement if we don't feel safe inside it, and we can't feel safe if we fear that we can be condemned without trial and ejected for any one misstep."
THANK YOU for speaking out about this... much needed!
well said, Starhawk; thanks for sharing so generously and publicly of the wisdom you have earned in your life. A big "yes" to all this, especially the idea of connecting to identity, and back to place. I am drawn to similar conclusions, and am deeply curious about the potential for identities beyond the nation-state, race, and gender. Some reflections here, for others who may hold similar inquiries:
This is a fascinating subject. The more I think about it the more I believe those edges are where it's at. I personally don't think that safety is possible in the liminal zones. We find safety at our hearth and by relentlessly maintaining our own fences with honor and integrity, but to get stuff done, I don't think we should be looking to the belongings of pseudo political rallies. I think when we make a place so safe that no one gets hurt we slash and burn the eco system. We should have diverse leaders and elders who can hold space for what needs to get done and delegate community and support to those people who are showing up because they need community and therapy and witness (the deep and valid needs that are all the things that have derailed all the groups I've ever been part of). Safety is an illusion, especially on the battlefield. And where are we if not on a battlefield fighting for the great being Gaia and all of her children. I don't think we need to be 100% aligned to get stuff done.
I agree, we need to find ways to collaborate with people we don't 100 per cent align with--sometimes maybe with some that we only 50% or 20% align with on certain issues. We each need some kind of home base where we feel safe, but we also need to take risks and enter spaces where we can be challenged. I wrote more about this in earlier posts on Safety, and about the paradox of how when we try to legislate absolute safety in a punitive frame, we actually end up making everyone feel unsafe, perpetually on trial.
WOW. This feels true. There's so much to consider here, and I thank you for sharing such deep and well-researched insights.
I actually write about societies and their cause & creation, extensively in my own work and have enjoyed your post about group identity. I reference these Things as coteries or societies but have found parallels to what you describe as the concern of group identity within a world of destitute identities and rejection of those identities deemed unworthy of a society.
Every society keeps of itself a code of conduct, an honor if you will, that is uniquely cultivated by that society through it's coteries and it's labours as a community. This becomes tradition, and by tradition the rules of the society are estabslibed and used as a comparative authority which measures every individual's belonging to that society or coterie, and acts as the rule of arbitration to conciliate conflicts of honor or code amongst all members and guests. Through this arbitration, those whom are aligned with the society's cause & creation, are exonerated and protected whilst those whom are maligned against the society's cause & creation, are evicted from it's Gardè and prosperity.
I would love to collaborate on a post like this, if ever given the opportunity!
Thanks, Valentia. I'd love to read some of your writings about this--where can I find them? what we're seeing now with Trump and MAGA strikes me as a complete attack on all of those norms and traditions of what we loosely call democracy, or even basic human decency, while on the Left we've been critiquing those traditions forever, but mostly not the values themselves but the hypocrisy of claiming we stand for them when we have so often not lived up to them.
You can find me at: https://open.substack.com/pub/enrapturepublications?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=44enck
—————
My publication is fledgling however I am developing it steadfaslty despite it's complexity of subjects. I will be posting higher quality content as I progress by improving the articulation of communicated concepts, however the subjects I cover are esoteric and arcane which has been a difficult task to work through. I hope you enjoy the, none-the-less and I would like to inform you that I will be posting more confident work within this month.
thank you Starhawk. The question of belonging has been with me for some time. How do we find belonging when we have left behind, grown beyond, the confines of traditional organisations? Traditional organisations, such as religions, have the promise of absolute belonging - in return for obedience or certain acceptable behaviours. In the 21st century many of us belong to lots of 'organisations'; workplace, squash club, allotment committee. Each offer the opportunity for belonging for as long as the task or engagement takes. But how do we meet that fundamental need of belonging in our fulness, without leaving anything at the door. Nature indeed does have so much to teach us - which plant ever said 'hey you're welcome here pretty flower - as long as you look so pretty. once winter is upon us and you start doing your stuff underground only - then, you need to go elsewhere'.
Loved the writing about your early life and ancestry. Here in Sebastopol it's pretty much all left, so that's where the intolerance lies, so I'm glad you stressed that. I've been active in two groups here, and the way you've defined the four characteristics was so helpful for me to reflect on my experiences. I look forward to more elaboration to come. Being open to people and the complexity of who they are has a time component. So not just being open, but staying open, being able to see a person be something you hadn't previously seen.
I love this piece, Starhawk. I was in Manhattan from 9-11. I was shocked that some of my progressive friends who lived close to the Twin Towers turned rabidly anti-Arab after the crash. I heard myself say, "Don't they realize that us-theming is what creates the problem." Then I heard the "they" in my statement.
My friend Ivan Idso is getting ready to launch his black Elephant Project. The basic idea is that folx aware of ongoing eco- and social system collapse wear a pin of a Black Elephant with the words Look Down. The pin is both a way to self-identify as a member of this group of people while simultaneously inviting other folx in by serving as a conversation starter.
Like Jackrabbit and Crabapple seem to be saying, progressives need to look within to notice and hopefully check their condescension when anyone—not just someone who might identify as right-wing—chooses what is not in with the in crowd. Belonging is immediately ruptured when choices that are outside group norms or established truths get a semblance of tolerance, but not true honoring.
I'm really thrilled to get such thoughtful responses to this piece! I'm still figuring out how Substack works, so only caught up today with the comments but now I know how to find them next time, and I'm excited for the kind of dialogue I sense we can have here. Yes, there really are still thoughtful, intelligent people in the world! Hurray!
my colleagues in Building Belonging are leading an initiative intended precisely as an antidote to what you describe here, called Movements of Belonging; about how we can build and cultivate the capacities to navigate conflict and be in solidarity relationships together. Sharing here in case others are interested: https://buildingbelonging.us/movementsofbelonging/
Thanks, Brian! What a great resource! I'm really happy to know about what you all are doing!
Brilliant. You also shed light for me on the culture of people living without housing and how they bond and form their family together. They care for each other.
Yes. One thing I learned during Occupy was that people who had experienced living unhoused were often extremely well skilled in de-escalating conflict and supporting one another.
Starhawk, may I quote you on that? People should know. Thank you.
My son is home from living unhoused for ten years and thriving. How strong he has become; how caring and loving. What a gift it is to know him now as a man who is so wise and lacking bitterness.
As I read this I can’t help but review how at age 66 (with more than half of my life behind me) I still don’t feel understood or respected with some of those closest to me.
With my oldest son (in his early 40’s) I fall back into a role of silly, illogical, irrational white woman who goes home depressed knowing not much more than raising kids at home.
I’ve been part of a spiritual community for 20 years and yet am not invited to join leadership the way I wish I was.
The self-healing life I’ve lived depending on food and spiritual integrity looks “crusty” to others in my family who are closest to me.
Clearly, I have not found a belonging “anywhere” (?) because my identity has not been clear even to myself.
In childhood, no one modeled the affirming, cooperative interactions that could give me space for a voice. And the spiritual culture of my parents held the limited view of womanhood that I repeated in relationships making it hard to change.
My job, now as a live-in caregiver with a wealthy couple who because of their history, think my life is theirs just because I’ve taken a “loving-giving” role in their lives has continued to keep me drained and distracted from who I am and what I want to do in the world, much less finding my “peeps” and those who do what I want done.
I’m just amazed in this personal review at how complicated identity and belonging can be. Since I haven’t been able to express my identity, I haven’t been able to find where I belong…
(Which came first? The chicken or the egg?!)
Now, I do understand where to go to find the space I can fill with the right support and understanding. I do understand that In some settings I need to prove myself and be clear about what I can offer and how I want to be involved. Knowing my identity then helps me express it and find where I belong.
What a fascinating topic
Thanks for sharing your struggles with this. We live in a society that devalues care and overvalues aggression and markers of success--so talking on the role of carer does not often guarantee that you'll get the respect you deserve for what is truly a very hard job! And those caring roles that have traditionally been assigned to women are even more devalued in this current resurgent 'manosphere' atmosphere. But if we lived in a better world, we'd replace every statue of a general with statues of heroic child-care workers. Caregivers would be honored and highly paid and hedge-fund managers would be working off their addictions by clearing brush or digging swales and posting GoFundMe's to send their kids to summer camp. Well, more likely summer camps would be free, but you get the picture! I wish you the best in finding the community that feels like a place you can truly belong, and that values your caring skills.
A brilliant and complex articulation of ideas I’ve also been working with since I began moving away from “wokeism” towards relational and embodied approaches to movement work in 2019. Thank you! I’m curious what you think about the role of perfectionism in movement spaces as a symptom of conditioned supremacy. When I was shedding unhelpful “social justice warrior” roles, I discovered I was driven by misaligned parts of me shaped by protective mechanisms surviving in harmful systems. Much of my work pertains to internal systems and the external systems that shape them. Thanks for the space to engage in this rich discussion.
I think perfectionism is a big problem and a destructive aspect of our movements. It's impossible to feel safe, or that you truly belong, if you have to be perfect, because none of us are. I'm not convinced, however, that it's specifically a problem of white supremacy, although it may be one of the symptoms. Or whether that's really helpful in the analysis. I think it's one of those human traits that transcends race and class. What we're seeing now is a bunch of privileged mostly white mostly men who don't have to be even minimally competent, let alone perfect, to be put into positions of power. Whereas people of color and women are definitely held to a higher standard, indeed, often an impossible standard, to gain any power at all. But I think that's a bit different than our internal voices demanding that we need to be perfect in order to have value. I guess I have enough of old-school psychological training to attribute a lot of that to family systems.
this resonates! Thank you for such a thoughtful and thought provoking reply!
Yay, yay, yay!!! THIS: "I've identified as a leftist since those days on the Liberal Lawn back in 1966. Jackrabbit expresses what I hear from many of my old friends and allies: that we often no longer feel a part of movements we’ve connected to and belonged to all of our adult lives. This is a very bad sign, if we want to build a movement broad enough and deep enough to actually achieve our goals. When people who have deeply invested in a movement no longer feel embraced by it, how can we expect to draw in new people and expand our reach?"
"As I've said before, the right-wing media have long exaggerated and weaponized the flaws of the left, but nonetheless there are kernels of truth that we need to look at, as well as critiques of cancel culture from the Left. If we are to create a truly welcoming movement, we need a deeper understanding of what creates a sense of belonging, how that can be ruptured, what we can do to repair and expand it. [...] We can't feel we belong to a movement if we don't feel safe inside it, and we can't feel safe if we fear that we can be condemned without trial and ejected for any one misstep."
THANK YOU for speaking out about this... much needed!
Wow! This is so comprehensive and deeply thoughtful! Your vast and long history of experience is crucial for our times. Thank you!
well said, Starhawk; thanks for sharing so generously and publicly of the wisdom you have earned in your life. A big "yes" to all this, especially the idea of connecting to identity, and back to place. I am drawn to similar conclusions, and am deeply curious about the potential for identities beyond the nation-state, race, and gender. Some reflections here, for others who may hold similar inquiries:
https://citizenstout.substack.com/p/belonging-and-the-identity-trap
This is a fascinating subject. The more I think about it the more I believe those edges are where it's at. I personally don't think that safety is possible in the liminal zones. We find safety at our hearth and by relentlessly maintaining our own fences with honor and integrity, but to get stuff done, I don't think we should be looking to the belongings of pseudo political rallies. I think when we make a place so safe that no one gets hurt we slash and burn the eco system. We should have diverse leaders and elders who can hold space for what needs to get done and delegate community and support to those people who are showing up because they need community and therapy and witness (the deep and valid needs that are all the things that have derailed all the groups I've ever been part of). Safety is an illusion, especially on the battlefield. And where are we if not on a battlefield fighting for the great being Gaia and all of her children. I don't think we need to be 100% aligned to get stuff done.
I agree, we need to find ways to collaborate with people we don't 100 per cent align with--sometimes maybe with some that we only 50% or 20% align with on certain issues. We each need some kind of home base where we feel safe, but we also need to take risks and enter spaces where we can be challenged. I wrote more about this in earlier posts on Safety, and about the paradox of how when we try to legislate absolute safety in a punitive frame, we actually end up making everyone feel unsafe, perpetually on trial.