Thank you for this amazing resource. I struggle with group dynamics, ending up feeling like I'm crazy much of the time. This breaks down that struggle into bite sized, actionable pieces. The added bonus is the Kelpie in the featured image. I also have a kelpie and love him very much. . . and he wishes we had goats to herd.
I'm still not seeing any reflection of Neurodiversity or even disability rights. Even physical accessibility seems to be an afterthought in these otherwise progressive circles. I went to two gatherings on Bioregionalism in Eugene Oregon area last year. Neither one had either disabled parking designated nor wheelchair-accommodating paths nor ramps to their conference facilities. Both had microphone and speakers available, but no thought was given to make a PA system available for the harder of hearing.
Both Dharmalaya and Lost Valley Center are icons of the Permaculture movement, yet the Eugenics legacy that underlies the Social Darwinism of the early Environmental movement still lingers unchallenged. "Ableism" is not a thing here. Even ADA-compliant Accessibility is interpreted as a one-way "entitlement", I guess.
I like your phrase "dommed from the bottom". I learned about power under from Starhawk. And you're right, it's gross and heartbreaking. But what if there was a way to skillfully and powerfully name the behavior? Part of the problem is that it operates invisibly, and even those who see it are scared to name it, in fear of being the next target. It's insidious in activist groups! I feel you on not doing groups because of it. I am interested in exploring the nuances and finding the language to work with it. Curious about your thoughts.
As I’ve been exploring the field of transformation for 30+ years I’ve come to the conclusion that all the work we do around healing and self-awareness is fundamentally in service to our Creativity.
By that I don’t necessarily mean what we culturally understand as “art.”
I mean Creativity as opposed to reactivity.
So, in that, I know that as long as I’m identified as a victim, I can’t create. I have no power. I’m always at the mercy of others.
Real creativity emerges from taking responsibility for the frames and beliefs that create one’s lived-experience, and being willing to rigorously examine them, giving them up when they don’t serve us.
Much like a caterpillar being dissolved in its chrysalis, it’s uncomfortable and scary to allow one’s identity structures to fall away.
So I guess it’s a matter of what people are really up to.
I am not sure most people understand the death aspect of transformation.
Brilliant to have this wisdom distilled so clearly and comprehensively, backed by all your experience and authority. I would draw out one point further, in terms of how groups deal with such disruptive behaviours and individuals. The emotional capability of a group's leading people is critical to whether the difficult person can adapt or will decide to leave. Sometimes a talented and esteemed person who plays a leading role in a group can be derailed by a situation such as you've outlined, by the behaviour setting off something unexamined in themselves. Their reactions can then fuel the situation unhelpfully. To protect an intentional community or group over the long term it's very important that all leading members develop the self reflection and maturity to recognise where especially challenging behaviours find echoes and trigger points within ourselves, and to acknowledge these to ourselves, so that this awareness can inform our responses to these behaviours and the situations that arise from them.
Great article. If we are in groups with “difficult behavior” how do we compassionately deal with it? I could see a “council” of skilled people who could hold a firm boundary on behavior, and talk to the person without othering. This isn’t easy. Those personalities who seek power over connection respond to limits, but may not be able to connect (due to their ingrained attachment issues.) I imagine we will need to be in cooperative communities in the future, to survive.
Excellent and wise content, thanks!
Thank you for this amazing resource. I struggle with group dynamics, ending up feeling like I'm crazy much of the time. This breaks down that struggle into bite sized, actionable pieces. The added bonus is the Kelpie in the featured image. I also have a kelpie and love him very much. . . and he wishes we had goats to herd.
This is an incredible resource! Thank you so much for your clarity, distinctions, and useful information and insights.
I'm still not seeing any reflection of Neurodiversity or even disability rights. Even physical accessibility seems to be an afterthought in these otherwise progressive circles. I went to two gatherings on Bioregionalism in Eugene Oregon area last year. Neither one had either disabled parking designated nor wheelchair-accommodating paths nor ramps to their conference facilities. Both had microphone and speakers available, but no thought was given to make a PA system available for the harder of hearing.
Both Dharmalaya and Lost Valley Center are icons of the Permaculture movement, yet the Eugenics legacy that underlies the Social Darwinism of the early Environmental movement still lingers unchallenged. "Ableism" is not a thing here. Even ADA-compliant Accessibility is interpreted as a one-way "entitlement", I guess.
I appreciate your nuance here.
Fear of being ‘dommed’ from the bottom is partly why I don’t work with groups.
It seems as though social status, for many millennials, is commensurate with one’s Victim identity.
I have little interest in catering to that.
I like your phrase "dommed from the bottom". I learned about power under from Starhawk. And you're right, it's gross and heartbreaking. But what if there was a way to skillfully and powerfully name the behavior? Part of the problem is that it operates invisibly, and even those who see it are scared to name it, in fear of being the next target. It's insidious in activist groups! I feel you on not doing groups because of it. I am interested in exploring the nuances and finding the language to work with it. Curious about your thoughts.
Great question.
As I’ve been exploring the field of transformation for 30+ years I’ve come to the conclusion that all the work we do around healing and self-awareness is fundamentally in service to our Creativity.
By that I don’t necessarily mean what we culturally understand as “art.”
I mean Creativity as opposed to reactivity.
So, in that, I know that as long as I’m identified as a victim, I can’t create. I have no power. I’m always at the mercy of others.
Real creativity emerges from taking responsibility for the frames and beliefs that create one’s lived-experience, and being willing to rigorously examine them, giving them up when they don’t serve us.
Much like a caterpillar being dissolved in its chrysalis, it’s uncomfortable and scary to allow one’s identity structures to fall away.
So I guess it’s a matter of what people are really up to.
I am not sure most people understand the death aspect of transformation.
Brilliant to have this wisdom distilled so clearly and comprehensively, backed by all your experience and authority. I would draw out one point further, in terms of how groups deal with such disruptive behaviours and individuals. The emotional capability of a group's leading people is critical to whether the difficult person can adapt or will decide to leave. Sometimes a talented and esteemed person who plays a leading role in a group can be derailed by a situation such as you've outlined, by the behaviour setting off something unexamined in themselves. Their reactions can then fuel the situation unhelpfully. To protect an intentional community or group over the long term it's very important that all leading members develop the self reflection and maturity to recognise where especially challenging behaviours find echoes and trigger points within ourselves, and to acknowledge these to ourselves, so that this awareness can inform our responses to these behaviours and the situations that arise from them.
My absolute experience. So grateful this is being written about on a sizable scale. Gracias
Marvellous stuff! Could have done with this back in the 1980s, 1990s, 2000s, 2010s ...
Starhawk, thankyou.
Great article. If we are in groups with “difficult behavior” how do we compassionately deal with it? I could see a “council” of skilled people who could hold a firm boundary on behavior, and talk to the person without othering. This isn’t easy. Those personalities who seek power over connection respond to limits, but may not be able to connect (due to their ingrained attachment issues.) I imagine we will need to be in cooperative communities in the future, to survive.
So much in here that I wish I had known sooner…and glad to have it now and future. Thank you.
Also…so many more books to read!!! 😁